Tyra Show -the Popular are Bullies

Todays Tyra show was dedicated to looking at the lives of the popular kids versus the unpopular. It looked more to me like these popular kids were bullies.

Now I don't believe that all popular kids are bullies. However, the girls on the show were told by the unpopular kids that they have been laughed at, tripped, teased, snorted at...all kinds of truly hurtful things that would damage the self esteem of someone who is trying to fit in.

In the end, even after adding fat layers and acne disguises to the popular girls as an experiment to show them what it felt like, Tyra did not get the breakthrough moment she was looking for. The popular kids still felt they were not mean or hurtful. The unpopular kids still felt they would not fit in.

The most inspirational part of the program was Tyra's closing remarks. She told the popular girls that they have power and that they could choose to use that power to make others feel good. To inspire and lift up their peers rather than add to shooting them down. They might be pretty on the outside, but true beauty is when power is used to show love and act out to the benefit of others.

To the unpopular girls, she left them with the message that they simply have not peeked yet. That statistics show that most of the worlds CEO's, great mothers, and successful women, were once in the "unpopular" category.

My belief is that, as the unpopular girls demonstrated, it never feels good to be teased or bullied, but I can't believe it feels that great to BE a bully either.

INSIDE SECRET TO BEATING A BULLY

Don't ever let them steal your dreams. Believe in yourself, stay focused on your goals, keep dreaming, and even though a bully may try to target you, that bully will never be able to make a victim out of you!

LOW SELF ESTEEM - The Number One Characteristic of Bullying

I was recently asked what the most common characteristic is between a bully and his or her victim and immediately low self-esteem is what came to mind.

A bully would not be a bully if not for low self-esteem. When someone truly believes in them self, who they are, and understands their own strengths and weaknesses, they have no need to put others down to build them self up. After all, that's what bullying is. Picking on a target considered weaker and taking the time and effort to tear that person down repeatedly in order to make them self feel better about their own insecurities.

A victim, on the other hand, could not be a victim if not for low self-esteem. If the victim truly believed in his/her own unique specialness and stayed focused on his/her own goals, then no bully would be able to bring that person down no matter how hard they tried. Therefore, that person could not be "victimized" and the bully would eventually move on to an easier target.

The difference between the victim and the bully is that a bully always starts out with low self-esteem. The victim may start out with a healthy self-esteem, but after being the target of a bully repeatedly, the victim will start to suffer from low self-esteem because he/she starts to be affected by the words and or physical abuse of the bully and become scared, withdrawn, or other symptoms characteristic of a victim. It takes a very strong person not to be affected by a bully, but a strong, healthy self-esteem is the best prevention.

Gangs vs. Bullies- Differences and Similarities

More child on child violence resulting in death with headlines reading Children Killing Children. Most recently reported on has has been the increase of it in Chicago. Okay, this is gang related violence and I am more interested in discussing bullying and its affects...so then, what is the difference between gangs and bullies?

Similarities:
1. Low Self-Esteem. Gang leaders and members suffer from low self-esteem just as bullies suffer from low self-esteem.

2. Imbalance of Power. In this case, you can say that there is bullying within the gang itself. Gang leaders force members to commit specific crimes and the members themselves can suffer greatly if they don't. Bullies always choose a victim that they can hold power over.

3. Group of people against another group or person. Gangs are always made up of groups. Many children join them just for that reason; they are looking for a sense of belonging or family and finding it in the wrong place. Sometimes bullies appear to be powerful and attract others who join in with them to feel they are part of a strong group as well.


Differences:
1. Victims. The victim of a bully is picked on verbally and or physically over and over again. The victim is constantly tormented often for no other purpose than the bully needs to feel his/her power over another who is weaker. The victim of a gang may be "bullied"in this way, but more often the purpose of this bullying (if it is constant) is to intimidate to stay away from territory, pay money, or some other criminal purpose. Many times the victim isn't even bullied at all. The victim could be a randomly selected person chosen to be killed or beaten in retaliation for something else against the gang, or the victim could be a completely unrelated innocent person "caught in the crossfire".

Bullying can escalate to Death

A boy was stabbed and killed at his Coral Gables, FL school last week. I didn't know the boy, but I cried for him. And that's just the latest victim (that I know of)...there has been such a high incidence of violence at schools these days! This is what happens when bullying escalates. It is not harmless when teasing starts in kindergarten. It is not "child's play" when a girl is constantly pushed around because she is "too fat to pass by without bumping into her." If adults don't step in and fill their children with self-esteem and respect for others, we can expect to see more "bullying" escalating to death.

The new Tomgirlz book, ABBEY's TURN, is another fun to read chapter book full of surprising silliness, but the underlying messages in this book are serious and important to me. This book demonstrates the issues of bullying, teasing, childhood obesity, and how children can deal with these problems. The book is actually a tool to show children (in a fun way that doesn't preach to them) what bullying looks like, how the victim is affected, and how they can stop the problem.

Over the next several months, the TOMGIRLZ platform will be focused on anti-bullying. I hope you will visit often to participate in the discussion, learn about contests we will be hosting (with great prizes!), and stay focused on anti-bully campaigns and their effectiveness. My hope is to one day see the term 'bully' removed from the dictionary! Wouldn't that be cool?